Russian Roulette
by Moved-Account-Sorry
Summary: ...And you can see Alec's heart beating. You can see it through his chest. He's terrified, but he's not leaving. He knows that he must pass this test... ..So he pulls the trigger. .::SONGFIC. ONE-SHOT. ALL HUMAN. A BIT OF MALEC MIXED IN::.


**This is just an idea I got stuck in my head a while back…and I knew it would kill me until I got it out of there. So this is actually my first SongFic ever, but I fell in love with the idea the minute I read my first one.**

**SONG: Russia Roulette**  
**ARTIST: Rihanna**

**so, for those of you who don't know, this particular song is based on a game of Russian roulette (psshhh hence the title haha) but I'm just putting this out there because I personally was confused for quite some time. If you already know what Russia roulette is, then by all means just skip my rambling and go on with the SongFic ^^ But anyways, for those of you who don't know about it, so as not to be confused in the story, I'm gonna tell you that Russian roulette is a game played using a Revolver. You completely empty the revolver's cylinder, leaving ONLY ONE bullet. You spin the cylinder around with your hand, NOT watching where the one bullet has stopped. So you don't know where it's pointed. Then you hold it up to your head and shoot. If that one bullet left in there just happens to stop at the barrel, you die, I assume. But if it's not, you win the game.**

**Tragic, really. But it sounds entertaining. Just didn't want some of ya'll confused like I was. OH, and before I forget, MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THIS IS RATED T! Just to be safe, really. Okay, well enjoy the story!**

**iiiiALL HUMAN!**

**Alec Lightwood © Cassandra Clare**  
**Russian roulette and Lyrics © Rihanna**

* * *

_Take a breath, take it deep  
"Calm yourself," he says to me  
_

"Just be calm and pull the trigger. Nothing much to it," said a buff man to Alec. The muscular man pushed a revolver into Alec's trembling hands. Blue eyes fell upon the revolver in his grasp, taking in every detail of the very thing that could take his life in a few moments.

_If you play, you play for keeps_  
_Take the gun, and count to three._

He looked up from the weapon, staring at the haze of faces around him. Each one was shouting at him excitedly, awaiting the suspense of their favorite game. They weren't gonna let him go now. They needed their amusement.

Alec groaned inwardly, reflecting on how he had gotten into this mess. Ever since his breakup with Magnus, he had become a different person. Sad and depressed, he had accepted the invitation to a party on the darker side of New York, hoping for distraction. What he got where suicidal so-called friends. The very people who where now urging him to shoot himself.

The same buff man sensed Alec's hesitation. Leaning close to his ear, he whispered in a harsh tone: "You volunteered for this, newbie. No backing down now. Just count to three and get it done with."

_I'm sweating now, moving slow_  
_No time to think, my turn to go_

Alexander felt thick droplets of sweat start to fall from his dark hair. A loud gunshot told him that the person ahead of him had got it over with already. Big whooping laughs and the occasional gasp from other Newbies told him that the other player hadn't had any luck. As he looked at the body being towed away, he felt his breathing turn into deep, nervous gasps when he saw the trail of scarlet blood left behind. _What if that was him?_

But there was no time to think now. That should have been done beforehand, now everybody's attention was completely directed at him….waiting.

Alec's blue eyes grew wide in fright as the other man leaned in close again.

"Your turn."  
_  
__  
__And you can see my heart beating  
You can see it through my chest  
Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving  
I know that I must pass this test_

The trembling teen knew he must be quite a sight to see. Shaking uncontrollably, sweat pouring down his face, _tears _even threatening to come out of his eyes….features that only made the crowd around him laugh.

"You can practically see his heart beating out of his chest!" Laughed a female observer, her comment only making the crowd erupt into an even bigger laughing fit.

Alec felt slightly insulted, but he knew it was true. He alone felt it pounding against his ribs, causing a loud pulse to be created in his ears. _I can't do this…_

But he knew he had to. It was a test. All of his so-called friends had set him up, he knew, to see if he was worthy. They were waiting for him to breakdown completely, to give up on their 'fun' life.

Alec felt completely terrified, but he knew he had to pass this test. He _would _pass this test.

_So just pull the trigger_

But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

_Say a prayer to yourself  
He says, "Close your eyes, sometimes it helps"_

"Hey, Spritz! Make the Newbie do it already!" cried someone from the crowd, addressing the muscle mass of a man that was standing beside Alec. _Spritz. He doesn't look like a Spritz. _

"Com'n, already. You gonna make me lose muh job," said Spritz. Then something crossed the larger man's eyes, unnoticeable by the raving crowd, but clear to Alec. Sympathy. "Close your eyes….sometimes it helps."

The younger man did as instructed, only to be flooded by images of Magnus walking away from him for the last time, plaguing him behind closed eyelids, which he quickly opened again.

_And then I get a scary though:_  
_That he's here means he's never lost_

What if his round of the game didn't turn out like this man's? Spritz had obviously won most of his rounds….but a small, deformed, and bald circle in his hair told Alec that maybe a bullet had trespassed his skull once upon a time, barely managing to miss anything death-prone.

Alec felt himself tremble even harder. What if he died this very night?  
_  
__  
__And you can see my heart beating  
Oh, you can see it through my chest  
Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving  
Know that I must pass this test_

Silent tears began to stroll down Alec's cheeks as he placed the one bullet into the barrel. The one bullet that held his fate. He hated everything about that bullet. His heart raced at the sight of it, threatening to fail him at any moment. Even at his fingertips, a slight pulse had formed, giving him the illusion of being stabbed every other second.

How he hated that bullet.

_So just pull the trigger_

The crowd around him had disappeared. The only thing left for him to see was Magnus yelling angrily at him, dressed in the same outfit he had worn the last day Alec saw him.

"You disgust me," said Magnus with a sneer plastered across his usually smiling mouth. Leaving those to be his final words to his now ex-boyfriend, the sparkly man turned and left.

Alexander hadn't felt anything at the time. Nothing but anger. But slowly, realization of what had really occurred came around to him, bringing a stream of tears and a never-ending feeling of sadness with it.

Back in present time, Alec, no longer caring who saw, let the same tears roll freely down his cheeks. He was unaware, but the crowd couldn't even stay standing from how much their laughter was shaking them. They assumed his weeping was from fright, not knowing how much Alec's heart hurt that very moment.

_As my life flashes before my eyes  
I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise._

Dawn was already nipping at everyone's heels, a message that it was time for the nocturnal party-errs to go back into hiding soon. Alec wondered if this would be the last sunrise he would ever see again, a thought he was almost convinced would be fulfilled. Apart from his natural pessimist attitude, everything seemed to be pointing him in the direction of death. All his thoughts. His feelings. Even his broken heart….

_So many won't get the chance to say goodbye_  
_But it's too late to think of the value of my life_

But somewhere in his mind, Alec's natural instincts told him this was a bad idea. A ridiculous one at that. _Think of what Magnus would say of you when he finds out, _his mind would say, only to be responded by his heart:

"_Magnus doesn't love me anymore."_

His heart always won, however. Because pain just always seems to surpass comfort and any logic given. It was too late for that anyways….

…Alec had decided to play chances with his life, and now he had to do it. If he decided to think of the value of his living state, he knew it should have been done before-hand. Now was not the time to be feeling pity, he knew.  
_  
__  
__And you can see my heart beating  
Oh, you can see it through my chest  
Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving.  
No, I know that I must pass this test_

Numb hands pushed the cylinder of the gun to the closed position. You could no longer tell the difference between Alec's tears and his sweat, both mixing together on his face.

And still the crying continued as the blue-eyed man grabbed the cylinder and swiveled it, watching it spin around and around like a merry-go-round before stopping. A small heap of metal death.

Alec's grip on the revolver tightened as he slowly raised it by his side to be at the same level as his head, the barrel pointed directly towards his skull, nothing but his dark hair between the predator and prey.  
_  
__  
__You can see my heart beating  
Oh, you can see it through my chest  
I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving.  
No, I know that I must pass this test._

A small whimper escaped Alec's mouth, but became unheard by the crowd around him. His sweaty hands threatened to cause the gun to slip out from his grasp, but he held on.

He let out a shivering breath, nervousness overwhelming him as he squeezed his luminous eyes closed once again.

"I'm sorry, Magnus," he said, barely above a whisper. One of his pale, trembling fingers felt its way to the trigger, tightening around it.

"So, so sorry."

_So just pull the trigger._

And then he pulled the trigger.

* * *

**Please don't hate me because of that cliffhanger, I just found it would be a more effective songfic if I just left it there instead of writing a whole other paragraph just to spoil it and explain his relief when he wasn't hit by the bullet. Not saying that's what happens. Not saying that that's NOT what happens either. I have left it up to your imagination ^^ Yea, I mixed in bit of Malec in there because I'm just an obsessive fangirl like that xP haha And sorry for any grammar or spelling errors.**

**So, please leave me a review and tell me what you think ^^ I shall write another songfic if I get some positive feedback ^^ But please be gentle with your critiques please, its my first songfic and my poor little heart can't take much bashing. I'll try to do better next time.**

**~Peacockprincess101**

**(EDIT) so my sister just told me that this game is actually called Russian Revolver…? Not sure…I really doubt it though but do correct me if I'm wrong.**

** Peace!**


End file.
